Fix What You Broke: A Message to Parents from a Wounded Child

This One’s Personal

I was triggered writing this—because this is my story.

I’ve lived the pain of wanting connection with a parent who didn’t—or couldn’t—show up emotionally when it mattered. I’ve stood there, heart cracked wide open, asking for honesty, softness, repair… and gotten silence in return. I’ve swallowed the ache of being met with defensiveness instead of understanding. And I know how much strength it takes to keep that door open, even when you’re the one hurting. Even when you feel like giving up would be easier.

This post is for the parents who still have that chance to do things differently. To respond, not retreat. To engage, not disappear.
Please—don’t waste it.

If You’re Given the Blessing—Take It

If you are given the blessing of having a child—now grown—who looks you in the eye and says, “You hurt me,” and then follows that up with, “But I want to work through it with you,” count your blessings.

That’s not weakness. That’s courage. That’s love showing up in its most honest form.

In a world where adult children often walk away—not out of cruelty, but out of sheer self-preservation—count your blessings. They didn’t slam the door. They cracked it open and waited for you to meet them at the threshold. So show up.

Open up. Listen. Don’t get defensive. Don’t twist it into an attack on your character. This isn’t about proving who’s right. It’s about protecting a relationship that still has the chance to heal and grow—if you’re willing to do your part.

Reconciliation Is a Verb

Reconcile the relationship. Apologize for what needs apologizing. Not with a “but” at the end—just say “I’m sorry.” Let that land. Let it breathe.

And then—be a friend. Be a mentor. Be someone your adult child wants to have in their life.

Call just to say hi. Not just when you need something, like a ride, a favor, or help scheduling a doctor’s appointment. Don’t just reach out when you’re lonely or want company. Reach out because you care. Because you’re thinking of them. Because you want to know who they are today—not just who they were when they were small and easy to control.

Yes, you’ve made sacrifices. That’s part of parenting. But let’s be real—you’ve also caused wounds. Whether you meant to or not, you did. All parents do in some way. But some of us have scars that run deep: emotional neglect, manipulation, explosive tempers, silence when we needed safety. You might not remember those moments. But we do.

So count your blessings that your adult child still wants anything to do with you.

If They’re Talking, They’re Hoping

If they’re telling you how they feel, listen. That’s not an attack—it’s an invitation.

If they’re sharing their truth, respect it. Don’t minimize it. Don’t rewrite the story. Believe them. They’re not saying you’re a bad person. They’re saying they were a hurt child. And they’re asking you—now—to be someone who helps them heal.

That’s the assignment. It’s not easy, but it’s worth everything.

Take an interest in who they are now. Make the effort. Build the bonds you didn’t—or maybe couldn’t—when you had the opportunity. It’s not too late, but time is precious. And they’re not going to keep knocking forever.

And If They’ve Walked Away…

Don’t get stuck in self-pity. Don’t tell yourself, “They’re ungrateful,” or “I did my best.”
Instead, take responsibility. Be brave enough to ask, “Where did I go wrong?” And then do the work. Because if you really want that relationship back, you’re going to have to fight for it.

Pick up the phone. Send the message. Call. Text. FaceTime. Write a letter if your words get jumbled. Say what you couldn’t say before.

“I know I hurt you. I didn’t know better then, but I’m learning. I want to understand. I want to try again.”

That matters more than you know.

Fix What You Broke

Let’s be honest: if you’re retired or bored or sitting around wondering why your kids don’t call—you might have time. You might even have regret. But what you really need is the will to make it right.

Because your grown child isn’t obligated to stick around just because they share your DNA. The relationship you want now has to be earned.

And if they’re still willing to try, you’ve been given a gift.

Don’t waste it.

~Maggie Hernandez-Knight