A Misunderstood Mother
On this Mother’s Day, I find myself reflecting on my relationship with my mother and how beautifully it has developed over the years. But it wasn’t always this way.
For much of my life, I struggled to understand her. Over the course of more than 30 years, I blamed my mother for everything that wasn’t working in my life. Every disappointment, every failure, every emotional scar felt like a byproduct of her perceived shortcomings as a mother. How could I thrive, I wondered, without ever having received the love, nurturing, and guidance every child is supposed to get? I carried a constant ache in my heart, convinced that the love I needed had been absent.
What made matters worse was the critical voice she seemed to implant in my head. I could hear it anytime I stumbled or took a wrong turn: “You’re too much.” “Be quiet.” Her words, sharp and critical at times, left me feeling small, misunderstood, and unsupported. There was no doubt that things were difficult for me. It took many years to see that what I experienced wasn’t a lack of love but rather an expression of love I didn’t know how to recognize.
Discovering Love in Her Own Way
After years of soul-searching and digging into my own emotional patterns, I came to realize something extraordinary: my mother did love me, nurture me, and guide me. She did all those things—just not in the ways I expected. She loved me in her own way. This revelation wasn’t sudden. It crept up on me like a gentle dawn, soft and unassuming, until one day, I could see everything more clearly.
For instance, my mother opted out of a career to take care of me full-time. While I once saw this as a limitation—a woman who gave up on her own dreams—I now understand it as a monumental act of love. She poured her time and energy into creating a stable home. Our days were filled with simple yet profound gestures: meals prepared from scratch, a clean and welcoming home, and her quiet presence. Her homemade french fries were the best in the world, and no one could rival her silver dollar pancakes. These weren’t just meals; they were edible tokens of care, moments that brought our family together.
And then there were the Halloween costumes. Year after year, she crafted intricate costumes for me and my two cousins. While some parents might have opted for store-bought solutions, my mother saw these costumes as an opportunity to create joy and connection. Whether I was a princess, a clown, or an astronaut, each outfit was a masterpiece of her creativity and dedication. She didn’t just make costumes; she made memories that would last a lifetime.
Even her criticisms, which once felt like daggers, took on a different meaning as I matured. My mother’s critiques weren’t rooted in disdain or disappointment but in her fierce desire to protect me from the world’s harsh judgments. She believed that if she could toughen me up or point out my flaws first, I’d be better prepared for the challenges ahead. While her delivery was often hard to bear, the intention behind it was always love.
Sacrifices Unseen
In the end, I came to understand that my mother sacrificed much of her own happiness so that I could pursue mine. She set aside her dreams and ambitions to focus entirely on raising me. At the time, I didn’t see it. I only saw what I thought was missing. But as I reflect now, I realize she gave me everything she could, in the best way she knew how.
Guidance, too, came in forms I failed to recognize as a child. She didn’t sit me down for heartfelt talks about life lessons or spell out the path to success, but her actions spoke volumes. Below are the top ten lessons I learned from my mother. They may not have been delivered in a conventional way, but they have shaped who I am today.
My Mother’s Wisdom
- Make Decisions Wisely
My mother taught me the importance of thoughtfulness. She believed every decision carried weight, and impulsivity could lead to unnecessary regret. While she didn’t always articulate this lesson, her meticulous planning in everything from meals to holiday celebrations modeled the value of careful consideration. - Trust Your Instincts
Growing up, I watched my mother navigate life with an intuitive sense of what was right. Whether it was a health decision, a financial choice, or simply knowing when to reach out to a struggling friend, she trusted her gut. Her example taught me to listen to my own inner voice, even when others doubted me. - Family Comes First
Family was always at the center of my mother’s world. She prioritized our needs above her own and ensured we had a sense of unity and belonging. Her dedication to family wasn’t just about obligation; it was a core value she instilled in me, one I now carry into my own relationships. - Believe in Community
My mother was never one to live in isolation. She valued connection with neighbors, friends, and extended family. Whether it was organizing potlucks or attending community events, she showed me the power of collective support and the importance of contributing to something greater than oneself. - Strength Is in Stillness
While I often mistook my mother’s quiet demeanor for passivity, I’ve come to understand it as a profound inner strength. She taught me that resilience doesn’t always need to be loud. Sometimes, it’s about enduring silently and standing firm in your values. - There Is Always Hope
My mother never gave up on people or situations. No matter how difficult things became, she always found a reason to keep believing that better days were ahead. Her optimism, though understated, was a guiding light during my darkest moments. - Change Is Possible
Life didn’t always go the way my mother planned, but she adapted with grace. She showed me that while we can’t control everything, we can always find ways to grow, adjust, and move forward. - Never Lend. Give Without Expecting Anything in Return
One of her most practical pieces of wisdom was to give freely rather than lending with conditions. She believed that generosity should come without strings, and this principle has saved me from countless misunderstandings and heartbreaks. - Give What You Can Afford to Lose
In line with her advice on giving, my mother emphasized the importance of setting boundaries. She taught me to give only what I could part with—whether it was money, time, or energy—to protect my own well-being. - Creativity Is a Special Gift
My mother’s creativity shone in everything she did, from sewing costumes to crafting handmade decorations. She showed me that creativity isn’t just about making things; it’s about finding beauty and joy in the process of creation.
Gratitude for All of It
Today, I feel immense gratitude for my mother and everything she has taught me. My hope is that other misunderstood mothers find peace knowing their deeds, though seemingly unappreciated, are serving a greater purpose. Sometimes, the true impact of a mother’s love isn’t seen until years later, when her children have the perspective to understand it.
For me, every experience—the good and the bad—has been a stepping stone toward greater self-awareness and compassion. I wouldn’t be who I am today without the challenges and lessons my mother provided. So for all of it, I say: Thank you, Mom. Your love, expressed in your own way, has been more than enough.
~ Maggie Hernandez-Knight
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