I went through most of my life not asking for help, though everything in my being was screaming for it. I was miserable to the core. If not for my extreme level of physical activity—3-4 hours of ballet, 6 days per week—I believe I would have ended up in the hospital from the impact of the stress on my body. Ballet became my lifeline, my escape, and my therapy all rolled into one. It was the only outlet I had to release the tension, pain, and confusion that consumed me. Little did I know, it was also masking my deeper issues rather than resolving them.
To add to my stress, I was physically attacked in my apartment by a roommate who proclaimed she wanted to kill me. The memory of that moment is still vivid: the overwhelming fear, the disbelief, and the heartbreaking realization that my living space, my supposed sanctuary, was anything but safe. This incident was a breaking point for me. Unlike past experiences, where I immediately felt sorry for myself, I was determined to change my life. I couldn’t live like this anymore. Something had to give, and I knew it had to start with me.
However, I had absolutely no clue where to begin. The only thing I knew was that my heart longed for something better—something more peaceful, more meaningful. First things first, I needed to relax. My body and mind were perpetually in a state of tension, and I couldn’t think clearly under those conditions. As if by divine intervention, I met a woman who eagerly shared her knowledge of yoga with me. She was just another human being, but in that moment, she felt like a lifeline. Her enthusiasm and genuine desire to help me were exactly what I needed.
I immediately took action and began practicing yoga. At first, it was just about the physical poses, but soon, it became much more than that. Yoga taught me how to breathe—something so simple yet so powerful. It taught me how to let go, to be present, and to truly relax. But, more importantly, it opened me up to other teachers, resources, and knowledge I hadn’t expected. This one small step set me on a path of self-discovery that would change my life forever.
The Source of My Chronic Unhappiness
For years, I was clueless as to the true source of my chronic unhappiness. I lived in a constant state of dissatisfaction, blaming everyone and everything around me for my misery. I thought that if I could just figure out why I was so messed up, I’d be whole again. It seemed logical at the time: identify the root cause, and you can fix the problem. But life, I’ve learned, is rarely that simple.
As a teenager, the blame went squarely to my mother. She became the scapegoat for all my pain and frustration. I believed she had taken away my voice, forcing me to conform to her rules and expectations. At the time, I felt suffocated by her control, and my resentment ran deep. To emphasize how profound my feelings were, I have to use words I’m not proud of: I hated her. And I made no effort to hide it. Every interaction with her felt like a battle, and I was determined to make her the villain in my story.
As I grew older, I began to see my father’s role in my unhappiness. In my eyes, he had always been the perfect father—kind, supportive, and loving. But as I matured, I learned that he wasn’t the model husband I had imagined him to be. This revelation shattered the idealized image I had of him and added another layer to my discontent. Feeling emboldened by my newfound “truths,” I confronted both of my parents. I accused my mother of being a “b—” and my father of being a fraud. I believed that by airing my grievances, I would finally feel a sense of relief or closure. But instead, I found that I was still miserable.
Learning about my parents’ own struggles should have softened my heart, but it initially had the opposite effect. I discovered that my mother’s voice had been stolen by my grandmother, who had imposed her will on her just as my mother had done to me. I also learned that my father had been orphaned at age four, carrying wounds of abandonment that shaped his entire life. These revelations didn’t bring me peace; they deepened my despair. I was overwhelmed with guilt for resenting people who were merely acting out their own pain. Yet, despite this new understanding, I remained stuck in my misery.
A Shift in Perspective
It wasn’t until much later that I began to understand the true reason for my chronic unhappiness. It had less to do with what had happened in the past and more to do with what wasn’t happening in the present. I realized that I had spent so much time dwelling on the pain of yesterday that I had neglected to create a fulfilling life in the here and now. My focus on blame and resentment had blinded me to the opportunities for joy, growth, and connection that were all around me.
The first step in my healing journey was releasing my resentments. I had to forgive my parents for “messing me up,” as I had so often accused them of doing. Forgiveness wasn’t about excusing their actions or pretending that the pain didn’t exist. It was about freeing myself from the weight of anger and bitterness that was holding me back. Forgiveness allowed me to see my parents not as villains, but as human beings who were doing the best they could with the tools they had.
The second step was shifting my focus to the positive outcomes of my experiences. Instead of seeing my struggles as evidence of how unfair life was, I began to see them as opportunities for growth. My challenges had made me resilient, compassionate, and resourceful. They had led me to yoga, to self-discovery, and to a deeper understanding of myself and others. This shift in perspective was transformative. It allowed me to move forward with a sense of purpose and hope.
Building a New Foundation
As I continued to explore yoga and other practices that nurtured my well-being, I started to build a new foundation for my life. Meditation became a daily ritual, helping me to quiet my mind and connect with my inner self. Journaling provided an outlet for my thoughts and emotions, allowing me to process my experiences in a healthy way. I also sought out supportive communities where I could share my journey and learn from others who had walked similar paths.
One of the most powerful lessons I learned was the importance of self-compassion. For so long, I had been my own harshest critic, berating myself for my perceived failures and shortcomings. But through yoga and mindfulness, I began to cultivate a kinder, more forgiving relationship with myself. I learned to celebrate my progress, no matter how small, and to embrace my imperfections as part of what makes me human.
Another crucial lesson was the value of gratitude. By shifting my focus from what I lacked to what I had, I discovered an abundance of blessings in my life. I began to appreciate the beauty of simple moments—a deep breath, a kind word, a quiet sunrise. Gratitude became a powerful antidote to the negativity that had once consumed me.
Looking Back, Moving Forward
Looking back on my journey, I can see how far I’ve come. The girl who once felt trapped and hopeless has been replaced by a woman who is strong, hopeful, and empowered. My struggles didn’t disappear, but I’ve learned how to face them with courage and grace. I’ve learned that healing is not a destination, but a lifelong process of growth and self-discovery.
If I could offer one piece of advice to anyone who feels stuck in their own unhappiness, it would be this: Start where you are. You don’t need to have all the answers or a perfect plan. Take one small step toward healing, whether it’s reaching out for help, trying a new practice like yoga, or simply allowing yourself to feel your emotions without judgment. Every journey begins with a single step, and every step brings you closer to the life you deserve.
In the end, I’ve learned that happiness is not something that can be found in the past or the future. It is something we create in the present moment, one choice at a time. And for that, I am deeply grateful.
Meta Description: Discover how yoga, forgiveness, and a shift in perspective helped me overcome chronic unhappiness and trauma to find inner peace and resilience. Learn practical steps for your own healing journey.
Internal Link: Explore more about mindfulness and self-compassion here.
Outbound Link: Learn more about yoga practices and their benefits.
~ Maggie Hernandez-Knight
Leave a Reply